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IT'S A LOVE THING: LOVE, MARRIAGE, INFERTILITY
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Wednesday 5 October 2011
Wednesday 13 April 2011
Ok now I'm just annoyed.
Anyways, recently I posted a LuLu Lemon hoodie that is too small for me. I received a reply rather quickly from a very nice lady. She emailed me and quickly explained that she had just fostered a young girl who came to her with only the clothes on her back and she was looking for some nice clothing for her sizes xsmall and small. She continued to say that not only did the girl have nothing of her own but she has never owned anything name brand and so she wanted to purchase the sweater for her.
Of course I instantly was touched by this story. It almost seemed like a sign. I just recently cleaned out my closet which resulted in 2 large bags full of clothes sizes XS and S that I was going to donate. I quickly emailed the lady back explaining this and told her the young girl could gladly have the clothes. There are actually quite a few name brand items in the bags as well. The lady replied to me full of thanks and assured me she would be by on Sunday to pick everything up and buy the hoodie.
Well, Sunday came and Sunday went. I tried e-mailing her a bunch of times but never heard back from her…until last night. She finally replied explaining that she had a family emergency come up and unfortunately wasn’t able to find the time to email me. She said sorry a million times and asked if she could come by tomorrow (which is today) to pick the clothes up. Of course I accepted her apology and told her it was not a problem.
Well…. it’s tonight. She said she would be here at 5:15 it is now 7:30! I emailed her once again around 6:00 asking if she was still planning on coming by, as I was debating weather to start cooking dinner or not. I have the two bags of clothes and the LuLu hoodie waiting and ready to go at the front door. I was so excited about brightening up a young girls day with some of my unwanted items of cloths. So much better then just donating them to the Salvation Army.
However I don’t know what to think now. This simple sale has become so frustrating. I have turned down 4 other potential buyers waiting on this woman. I am trying to stay optimistic but seriously… once is forgivable but twice…. really?!
Monday 11 April 2011
When People Say Stupid Thing
I haven’t told too many people about my infertility struggles. Just close friends, close co-workers, my parents and grandparents, but other then that we haven’t told too many people. I have to admit that not talking about it can be exhausting but so can talking about it. The one thing I have learned is that you don’t realize how many people are going through the same thing until you are going through it yourself. Infertility is something a lot of women deal with yet no one really wants to talk about it. When you do find someone going through the same thing it feels great to be able to relate and actually be able to talk the “IF lingo” and not have the other person look at you like you have two heads. Since I’ve become a bit more open about it at work, I have come to find 3 other nurses that are dealing with the same thing. I really enjoy talking to them about my struggles and it’s great knowing we are all routing for one another.
The part I find exhausting is talking to those who don’t “get” infertility. The ones who got pregnant from looking at their husbands penis, and so did all of their friends. I am so sick of being told the same answers over and over again, as I’m sure you can all relate to >
1. Just don’t think about it, and it will happen!
2. Maybe you’re trying too hard!
3. Don’t worry you’re still young!
4. Take a Vacation and get really drunk!
5. Give it time
6. Enjoy the time you have now, once you have kids everything changes.
……and so on!
Listen… these comments aren’t meant to be mean, even though they feel like a stab in the gut every time we hear them. We all know how powerful words can be, and how even the slightest little comment can linger in your head for hours or even days.
Saying things like “maybe you’re trying to hard” is probably the most frustrating thing I’ve ever been told, and yet it’s probably the most popular answer I receive. Women dealing with infertility usually have less then a 1% chance of conceiving on their own so when I’m told that I’m trying to hard I just want to scream.
I find the best way to respond is to just tell them that their comments don’t help, and that you appreciate their concern but dealing with infertility has nothing to do with how much or how little you are having sex. People tend to say inappropriate things only because they don’t know what else to say. When those we love say stupid things, it’s not worth wasting your energy getting mad at them, although I know it can be hard not to; I’m pretty sure I’ve almost bit the tip of my tongue off at least 100 times - but I think it’s important to use their comments as an opportunity to educate them about the struggle of infertility, or even better just ignore the comments all together.
A lot of you have been writing about coming open about your struggles and letting everyone know you are having trouble getting pregnant. Kudos to you! I started to become more open about our IF struggles back in the fall when we started the process of our IUI’s, but now it seems like more then a few people I would like, know about it at work now. Which brings me to another comment I would add to the top of my list of annoying questions/answers; which is “Any News?”
Once people know you are trying to get pregnant, they constantly want to know if you’re expecting. I’ve had a few people come up to me and literally touch my stomach and say “Is there a baby in there yet?” ……. *Deep Breath*
This is one of the hardest things for me when it comes to those knowing about us TTC. It’s like not only are you dealing with your own disappointment but now you have to handle their disappointment too. I try and remind everyone that no news probably means no good news. The opposite of what you are usually told. I guess when you are asked this question the best thing to do is just tell them that you’ll let them know when you have some good news to share.
After our IUI’s failed I was so heartbroken and so sick of being asked that I started to tell people we weren’t trying anymore. I believe I even wrote on here that we were going to take a 6 month break. Which was the truth; but when we found out Dr. Soliman was going to take on our case it was such good news I couldn’t not tell anyone. I didn’t realize that we would be so immersed in this treatment that I would regret coming out of the “we’re not trying anymore” closet. Everything is so much more personal now and in depth that I am finding it harder and harder. It doesn’t help that every time I’m at work someone asks about it. I just wish I could go one day without being questioned.
I hate infertility, we all do, and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone, but I’d like to end this post on a happy note and to tell you the truth, if I had to really think positive for a moment and find one positive thing about this journey of infertility, it would be how well I have gotten to know my body. So many women I know who have had no trouble getting pregnant, sadly know nothing about their bodies. They don’t know about ovulation, follicles, uterine lining, LH or Progesterone. These are things I’m kind of thankful I do know so much about. If one thing, my knowledge of the female body and even the male body has expanded ten fold and I’m happy about that.
Anyways I hope this post helps you with dealing with the stupid comments friends and family tend to say to you and just know you’re not alone. We all want to lash out when we’re told ignorant things about trying to get pregnant but just remember what our mothers always told us - If you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all :P
xo
~*A
The part I find exhausting is talking to those who don’t “get” infertility. The ones who got pregnant from looking at their husbands penis, and so did all of their friends. I am so sick of being told the same answers over and over again, as I’m sure you can all relate to >
1. Just don’t think about it, and it will happen!
2. Maybe you’re trying too hard!
3. Don’t worry you’re still young!
4. Take a Vacation and get really drunk!
5. Give it time
6. Enjoy the time you have now, once you have kids everything changes.
……and so on!
Listen… these comments aren’t meant to be mean, even though they feel like a stab in the gut every time we hear them. We all know how powerful words can be, and how even the slightest little comment can linger in your head for hours or even days.
Saying things like “maybe you’re trying to hard” is probably the most frustrating thing I’ve ever been told, and yet it’s probably the most popular answer I receive. Women dealing with infertility usually have less then a 1% chance of conceiving on their own so when I’m told that I’m trying to hard I just want to scream.
I find the best way to respond is to just tell them that their comments don’t help, and that you appreciate their concern but dealing with infertility has nothing to do with how much or how little you are having sex. People tend to say inappropriate things only because they don’t know what else to say. When those we love say stupid things, it’s not worth wasting your energy getting mad at them, although I know it can be hard not to; I’m pretty sure I’ve almost bit the tip of my tongue off at least 100 times - but I think it’s important to use their comments as an opportunity to educate them about the struggle of infertility, or even better just ignore the comments all together.
A lot of you have been writing about coming open about your struggles and letting everyone know you are having trouble getting pregnant. Kudos to you! I started to become more open about our IF struggles back in the fall when we started the process of our IUI’s, but now it seems like more then a few people I would like, know about it at work now. Which brings me to another comment I would add to the top of my list of annoying questions/answers; which is “Any News?”
Once people know you are trying to get pregnant, they constantly want to know if you’re expecting. I’ve had a few people come up to me and literally touch my stomach and say “Is there a baby in there yet?” ……. *Deep Breath*
This is one of the hardest things for me when it comes to those knowing about us TTC. It’s like not only are you dealing with your own disappointment but now you have to handle their disappointment too. I try and remind everyone that no news probably means no good news. The opposite of what you are usually told. I guess when you are asked this question the best thing to do is just tell them that you’ll let them know when you have some good news to share.
After our IUI’s failed I was so heartbroken and so sick of being asked that I started to tell people we weren’t trying anymore. I believe I even wrote on here that we were going to take a 6 month break. Which was the truth; but when we found out Dr. Soliman was going to take on our case it was such good news I couldn’t not tell anyone. I didn’t realize that we would be so immersed in this treatment that I would regret coming out of the “we’re not trying anymore” closet. Everything is so much more personal now and in depth that I am finding it harder and harder. It doesn’t help that every time I’m at work someone asks about it. I just wish I could go one day without being questioned.
I hate infertility, we all do, and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone, but I’d like to end this post on a happy note and to tell you the truth, if I had to really think positive for a moment and find one positive thing about this journey of infertility, it would be how well I have gotten to know my body. So many women I know who have had no trouble getting pregnant, sadly know nothing about their bodies. They don’t know about ovulation, follicles, uterine lining, LH or Progesterone. These are things I’m kind of thankful I do know so much about. If one thing, my knowledge of the female body and even the male body has expanded ten fold and I’m happy about that.
Anyways I hope this post helps you with dealing with the stupid comments friends and family tend to say to you and just know you’re not alone. We all want to lash out when we’re told ignorant things about trying to get pregnant but just remember what our mothers always told us - If you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all :P
xo
~*A
IVF in Lamens Terms
I wanted to write a post basically for those people who really don’t “get” IVF. Since coming open about our fertility struggles, dealing with infertility and having to do in vitro fertilization I have realized a lot of people really do not understand it. I’ve had a few people respond with “Oh like the Octo-mom? Does that mean you’ll have lots of babies?” and that’s pretty much the extent of their knowledge.
I’ve come to realize that although there can be some disadvantages to telling people, there are certain advantages to telling people too. For one, you don’t get the endless questions about when you’re going to have a baby or asked if you’re trying every day. You’re friends and family will try to be sympathetic and understanding. However, you have to accept that no one can fully appreciate what IVF is like unless they’ve been through it themselves. Everyone has an opinion about IVF and wish so much information out there, people sometimes assume they know a lot about it.
We all grow up believing that we will be able to have a family when we are ready. It can come as a surprise to know how common it is for couples to have a hard time conceiving. 1 in 3 couples today suffer from infertility and will need some sort of fertility treatment. Whether it be help from fertility drug(s), monitored cycles, IUI’s or even IVF. Although a lot of people have heard of IVF due to the media (Jon & Kate + 8, Octo Mom, Angelina Jolie) a lot of people don’t truly understand how much time and emotion and money goes into it.
So What is IVF?
IVF is a form of assisted conception used to help people with fertility problems. The Initials stand for In Vitro Fertilization, and during IVF eggs are fertilized in the lab, rather then inside the female body. The term In Vitro means “in glass”, and so people often assume embryos are created in glass test tubes - which lead to the term “test-tube babies”. This however is not true. The egg, sperm and embryos are kept in petri dishes.
In simple terms, IVF involves taking eggs from a woman’s ovaries, and mixing them with the sperm in a dish. If a sperm breaks into the egg and fertilizes it, it will become an embryo. In some cases however the eggs are fertilized by using ICSI (intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection) Most people will be more familiar with ICSI then they think, as television and articles usually use images of ICSI to illustrate all kinds of stories about infertility. We’ve all seen them - those pictures of a hollow needle being pushed into an egg actually illustrate ICSI rather then normal IVF. Chris and I will be going the route of ICSI.
Each attempt at IVF is called a cycle, and drugs are used as part of the treatment to allow doctors to take control of your hormones in order to produce more then one egg…many more. You are monitored very closely from the first day of your period until you are ready for egg retrieval. The egg retrieval is not a pleasant procedure. Some women are put out while others are just heavily medicated for pain management.
Using an internal ultrasound they attach a needle which pokes through the wall of the vagina (ouch) in able to reach to ovaries. (your ovaries are located directly behind the vagina) They then use a vaccum type instrument that sucks the eggs out of the follicles and into a test tube. The Ebryologist will then take the contents of the test tube and view it under a microscope. He will remove the mature eggs and discard the rest.
Once the ICSI eggs have been injected with sperm, they will be left to fertilize. They have to be kept in the correct conditions for this to happen and the incubators used to store them are maintained at body temperature. The level of carbon dioxide in the air is controlled along with the humidity. The embryos will then divide (grow) in the incubator for 3-5 days. Our clinic (and most others) encourage patients to leave the embryos for five days, until they have reached the next level of development which is called BLASTOCYSTS. By day 4 the embryos have been dividing more rapidly and may contain anywhere from 10 to 30 cells. Embryos quite often stop growing at this stage, but if they continue developing for one more day, they begin to look very different. Instead of an evenly divided cell formation, the embryo will have a fluid cavity containing a lump of cells called the “inner cell mass”, which is the part that will grow into a baby. Pregnancy rates are higher after blastocyst transfer, as the embryos have already gone through a number of crucial stages of development.
During the embryo transfer the embryologist will get the embryos ready. This is done at the very last minute, so that the embryos spend as little time as possible out of the incubator. At this point you will be given the chance to see your embryos on the screen. I can only imagine just how surreal it will be to be able to see your baby(s) at the embryo stage. crazy! The embryos are stored in individual droplets of liquid which is then drawn up into a catheter. The doctor will insert the catheter into the vagina and up through the cervix. When is it in the right place, they squirt the embryos into the womb.
The Two Week Wait!
I am dreading this!!! From what I have read and from experiencing this when we did our IUI’s I can honestly this is probably the hardest part of the cycle. Constantly wondering if it worked and worrying about what you should or shouldn’t do. I kind of wish I could just go to sleep for these two weeks and wake up when it is time to take the pregnancy test.
Anyways that is my lamens terms of explaining the process of IVF. I could probably write a book and go into more detail about all the little appointments in between, daily ultrasounds, injections and the roller coaster ride you take with your emotions.
I just wanted to get it out there for some of my readers who know about IVF but don’t quite understand what really happens.
OH and thank you SO much for all the wonderful comments yesterday. I was so touched by all of the support and positive messages. I will be doing more videos once we start the whole procedure. I have been inspired by a few of you and love the idea of doing an injection on video and showing your true emotions and thoughts. :)
Love to you all!
XOX
~*A
I’ve come to realize that although there can be some disadvantages to telling people, there are certain advantages to telling people too. For one, you don’t get the endless questions about when you’re going to have a baby or asked if you’re trying every day. You’re friends and family will try to be sympathetic and understanding. However, you have to accept that no one can fully appreciate what IVF is like unless they’ve been through it themselves. Everyone has an opinion about IVF and wish so much information out there, people sometimes assume they know a lot about it.
We all grow up believing that we will be able to have a family when we are ready. It can come as a surprise to know how common it is for couples to have a hard time conceiving. 1 in 3 couples today suffer from infertility and will need some sort of fertility treatment. Whether it be help from fertility drug(s), monitored cycles, IUI’s or even IVF. Although a lot of people have heard of IVF due to the media (Jon & Kate + 8, Octo Mom, Angelina Jolie) a lot of people don’t truly understand how much time and emotion and money goes into it.
So What is IVF?
IVF is a form of assisted conception used to help people with fertility problems. The Initials stand for In Vitro Fertilization, and during IVF eggs are fertilized in the lab, rather then inside the female body. The term In Vitro means “in glass”, and so people often assume embryos are created in glass test tubes - which lead to the term “test-tube babies”. This however is not true. The egg, sperm and embryos are kept in petri dishes.
In simple terms, IVF involves taking eggs from a woman’s ovaries, and mixing them with the sperm in a dish. If a sperm breaks into the egg and fertilizes it, it will become an embryo. In some cases however the eggs are fertilized by using ICSI (intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection) Most people will be more familiar with ICSI then they think, as television and articles usually use images of ICSI to illustrate all kinds of stories about infertility. We’ve all seen them - those pictures of a hollow needle being pushed into an egg actually illustrate ICSI rather then normal IVF. Chris and I will be going the route of ICSI.
Each attempt at IVF is called a cycle, and drugs are used as part of the treatment to allow doctors to take control of your hormones in order to produce more then one egg…many more. You are monitored very closely from the first day of your period until you are ready for egg retrieval. The egg retrieval is not a pleasant procedure. Some women are put out while others are just heavily medicated for pain management.
Using an internal ultrasound they attach a needle which pokes through the wall of the vagina (ouch) in able to reach to ovaries. (your ovaries are located directly behind the vagina) They then use a vaccum type instrument that sucks the eggs out of the follicles and into a test tube. The Ebryologist will then take the contents of the test tube and view it under a microscope. He will remove the mature eggs and discard the rest.
Once the ICSI eggs have been injected with sperm, they will be left to fertilize. They have to be kept in the correct conditions for this to happen and the incubators used to store them are maintained at body temperature. The level of carbon dioxide in the air is controlled along with the humidity. The embryos will then divide (grow) in the incubator for 3-5 days. Our clinic (and most others) encourage patients to leave the embryos for five days, until they have reached the next level of development which is called BLASTOCYSTS. By day 4 the embryos have been dividing more rapidly and may contain anywhere from 10 to 30 cells. Embryos quite often stop growing at this stage, but if they continue developing for one more day, they begin to look very different. Instead of an evenly divided cell formation, the embryo will have a fluid cavity containing a lump of cells called the “inner cell mass”, which is the part that will grow into a baby. Pregnancy rates are higher after blastocyst transfer, as the embryos have already gone through a number of crucial stages of development.
During the embryo transfer the embryologist will get the embryos ready. This is done at the very last minute, so that the embryos spend as little time as possible out of the incubator. At this point you will be given the chance to see your embryos on the screen. I can only imagine just how surreal it will be to be able to see your baby(s) at the embryo stage. crazy! The embryos are stored in individual droplets of liquid which is then drawn up into a catheter. The doctor will insert the catheter into the vagina and up through the cervix. When is it in the right place, they squirt the embryos into the womb.
The Two Week Wait!
I am dreading this!!! From what I have read and from experiencing this when we did our IUI’s I can honestly this is probably the hardest part of the cycle. Constantly wondering if it worked and worrying about what you should or shouldn’t do. I kind of wish I could just go to sleep for these two weeks and wake up when it is time to take the pregnancy test.
Anyways that is my lamens terms of explaining the process of IVF. I could probably write a book and go into more detail about all the little appointments in between, daily ultrasounds, injections and the roller coaster ride you take with your emotions.
I just wanted to get it out there for some of my readers who know about IVF but don’t quite understand what really happens.
OH and thank you SO much for all the wonderful comments yesterday. I was so touched by all of the support and positive messages. I will be doing more videos once we start the whole procedure. I have been inspired by a few of you and love the idea of doing an injection on video and showing your true emotions and thoughts. :)
Love to you all!
XOX
~*A
HOW TO BE THE BEST POST PARTUM VISITOR
Melissa @dearbaby just posted this fantastic article from There Are No Ordinary Moments blog. I think everyone, family and friends should read this and accept what it says. I know that a lot of people, when visiting a new baby tend to visit and never leave! I am quoting Melissa when I say “don’t be that person (I know my readers have way better sense than that anyway!) Go read the post - share it - print it off and flyer the cars at your local strip mall with it. It’s good stuff!”
HOW TO BE THE BEST POST PARTUM VISITOR IN 15 MINUTES OR LESS
Have a friend who had a baby and you’re on the roster to drop off a meal? Here’s everything they want you to know and do, but are too shy and polite to say and ask.
They are tired. Breastfeeding is still awkward and having people around makes it more awkward. The mother is recovering physically, either from a surgical birth, or from the equivalent of a triathlon where the prize was a grapefuit sized head flying out of her vagina. Either of these things makes you sore and tired. They would like to see you, but don’t want to be tired out by a long visit.
You are not going to stay longer than 15 minutes, no matter how polite the parents are in saying you can stay longer. If your visit/meal drop off scheduled for 5.30. BE ON TIME. Make plans for 6:15 so that you HAVE to leave.
Before you walk in the door, put your game face on. Set a timer, on your phone or watch for 15 minutes. When it goes off, get out of there! Remember that you are going to be a quiet, productive blessing. This visit is NOT about you. It is not about the parents hosting you and putting on a cup of tea so you can sit and visit and hold the baby. Think about how you would feel if you had either had surgery or ran a triathlon. What would you want people to do for you? This visit is about blessing the parents and making their life a little bit easier. Your prize is getting a quick peek at the cute new human.
Here’s how to play out your 15 minute visit:
1. Bring a healthy meal. Include a salad or fresh vegetables. Only use disposable dishes. There is nothing more annoying than
a) having to wash more dishes when you have a new baby and
b) having to try to return dishes to all sorts of random people when you have a new baby
2. In addition to your meal, bring cut up veggies and fruit, unsalted trail mix or nuts, or other such healthy snacks for daytime munching for mom to eat while she’s nursing.
3. Go into the kitchen and spend 5 minutes clearing off a counter, washing a sink-full of dishes, loading the dishwasher etc. Don’t ask permission, just do it. Then set the table for their dinner.
4. Before you leave your house, put some paper towels and some powdered bathroom cleaner like Commet or Ajax in a baggie. Stick it in your purse. While you are at the house, go and use the washroom…and while in there do a three minute bathroom shine-up, using your paper towels and cleaner.
5. Coo over the baby, but wash your hands before touching it.
6. If they want to eat right then, heat the food up and put it on the table, give everybody kisses and then leave.
7. Take the garbage out when you go.
In and out. This will be the best visit the parents will have had. They will love you and you will be awesome in their books forever. You can come back and have a longer visit when the parents have adjusted to their new normal.
Considering how many people are reading this, I’d like to add three things to this post. First of all, I’d like to say that what I really wanted to communicate is that post-partum visitors need to have an unselfish, service-oriented attitude when going to visit the parents and their new baby. Personally, I’d be thrilled if someone loaded my dishwasher or shined up my bathroom, and left after 15 minutes but many people have commented that this would make them really uncomfortable and they would want more visiting time. So, I’d like to add:
HOW TO BE THE BEST POST PARTUM VISITOR IN 15 MINUTES OR LESS
Have a friend who had a baby and you’re on the roster to drop off a meal? Here’s everything they want you to know and do, but are too shy and polite to say and ask.
They are tired. Breastfeeding is still awkward and having people around makes it more awkward. The mother is recovering physically, either from a surgical birth, or from the equivalent of a triathlon where the prize was a grapefuit sized head flying out of her vagina. Either of these things makes you sore and tired. They would like to see you, but don’t want to be tired out by a long visit.
You are not going to stay longer than 15 minutes, no matter how polite the parents are in saying you can stay longer. If your visit/meal drop off scheduled for 5.30. BE ON TIME. Make plans for 6:15 so that you HAVE to leave.
Before you walk in the door, put your game face on. Set a timer, on your phone or watch for 15 minutes. When it goes off, get out of there! Remember that you are going to be a quiet, productive blessing. This visit is NOT about you. It is not about the parents hosting you and putting on a cup of tea so you can sit and visit and hold the baby. Think about how you would feel if you had either had surgery or ran a triathlon. What would you want people to do for you? This visit is about blessing the parents and making their life a little bit easier. Your prize is getting a quick peek at the cute new human.
Here’s how to play out your 15 minute visit:
1. Bring a healthy meal. Include a salad or fresh vegetables. Only use disposable dishes. There is nothing more annoying than
a) having to wash more dishes when you have a new baby and
b) having to try to return dishes to all sorts of random people when you have a new baby
2. In addition to your meal, bring cut up veggies and fruit, unsalted trail mix or nuts, or other such healthy snacks for daytime munching for mom to eat while she’s nursing.
3. Go into the kitchen and spend 5 minutes clearing off a counter, washing a sink-full of dishes, loading the dishwasher etc. Don’t ask permission, just do it. Then set the table for their dinner.
4. Before you leave your house, put some paper towels and some powdered bathroom cleaner like Commet or Ajax in a baggie. Stick it in your purse. While you are at the house, go and use the washroom…and while in there do a three minute bathroom shine-up, using your paper towels and cleaner.
5. Coo over the baby, but wash your hands before touching it.
6. If they want to eat right then, heat the food up and put it on the table, give everybody kisses and then leave.
7. Take the garbage out when you go.
In and out. This will be the best visit the parents will have had. They will love you and you will be awesome in their books forever. You can come back and have a longer visit when the parents have adjusted to their new normal.
Considering how many people are reading this, I’d like to add three things to this post. First of all, I’d like to say that what I really wanted to communicate is that post-partum visitors need to have an unselfish, service-oriented attitude when going to visit the parents and their new baby. Personally, I’d be thrilled if someone loaded my dishwasher or shined up my bathroom, and left after 15 minutes but many people have commented that this would make them really uncomfortable and they would want more visiting time. So, I’d like to add:
- Be sensitive to the needs of the new parents. Serve them, but don’t embarrass or overwhelm them.
- Come back when the baby is a few weeks old for a longer visit and help where you are needed. A large number of people commented that they have a large influx of support in the first few weeks and then it totally dries up. I have also found this to be very true, and now, when my friends have babies, I tell them I will bring them a meal and come visit after the other parent has returned to work and the other friends have stopped bringing meals. Many mothers get quite lonely and feel very isolated after the first few weeks and all the visitors have stopped.
- Leave off the perfume. New babies and mothers are very sensitive to scent, and if you are wearing perfume and hold the baby the baby absorbs that scent like a sponge. I personally hate it when someone holds my baby and he comes back drenched in their perfume, and I imagine that it must be very overwhelming for the baby to lose the scent of their mother because their nose is overwhelmed with the smell of a stranger .
- Someone suggested putting a list of chores that visitors can help with on the fridge. This is such a wonderful idea and really address the concern that some people had about the idea of other people cleaning their homes being uncomfortable or intrusive.
- If you do bring in a cleaning product, be sure that it isn’t something that is going to cause allergies or break non-toxic rules the family might have. In the same vein of being environmentally friendly, you might want to pick up a thrift store dish for the meal that the family can either keep or donate as they wish, rather than disposable containers.
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